Restaurant Review: Kempinski Hotel Gravenbruch Frankfurt - Stranded Traveler's Buffet

Even the greatest and most admired among us make mistakes. People are not perfect, things go wrong sometimes, and the true test about how we measure up as people and as societies is how we adapt to the curveballs which life occasionally throws our way.

That's why I was rather forgiving towards Lufthansa for the debacle which resulted in delays, canceled flights, and, ultimately, Dangerbelle's and my overnight stranding in Frankfurt on our way to Milan last week. This usually impeccable airline had a bad day, and such is life. The good thing about being stranded in a European airport, though, is that they are required by EU law to compensate you with a hotel and meals during your stranding (and 250 Euros cash for the canceled flight!). There are no huddled masses of people sleeping on backpacks and coats like you'll find in O'Hare or JFK. If that's socialism, sign me up!

Furthermore, the hotel which Lufthansa graciously offered us for the night was the very elegant Kempinski Hotel Gravenbruch Frankfurt, quaintly situated in a charming wooded area about 20 minutes from Frankfurt's airport. The Kempinski hotel group is without a doubt one of the top hotel groups around, specializing in high-end local charm, and if the Kempinski Hotel Istanbul is the Ottoman Sultan's jewel of the group then the Gravenruch property is the imperial Prince's hunting lodge counterpart. The place oozes character, from the oil on canvas paintings of Hapsburg royalty which adorn the walls to the dark mahogany handrail which curves with the stairs from the lobby. So, a place like this has got to have some good eats!

Well, in fact they probably do have some good eats... if you can go to the restaurant and order them. I bet they have fresh wild game, juicy and roasted to perfection. I'm sure there are thick and hearty soups, perfect for warming your bones on a wintry night such as what we had. But, the surprise which was in store for Dangerbelle and I was the Lufthansa Stranded Traveler Buffet. Like a bunch of lepers, we were quarantined into our own room above the bar, decorated in what could have been my grandmother's worst and oldest table clothes, no light, and the unalluring sight of 3 chafing dishes awaiting us on tables.


"Well, okay. So it's a prepared buffet, but this is the Kempinski! The quality must be amazing", I said to Dangerbelle. "They probably don't have a bad ingredient in the house!". My optimism may have jinxed the whole thing.

While the salad bar did have some basic, but tempting, treats - fresh and crisp lettuce, nice vegetables, sesame and flax seeds, and an amazing strawberry vinaigrette dressing - the remaining options for our dining pleasure were not aiming to please.

Okay, what's behind Door Number 1? Labeled as sliced turkey, it sounded promising. I envisioned succulent pieces of oven roasted bird, carved by the chef into mouth watering slabs. But, as I opened the steel lid, a puddle of the dreaded "universal brown sauce" awaited me, with chunky bits I can only assume were the turkey.

And what's behind Door Number 2??? Steamed vegetables! Not bad, except for I suspect that the water used for steaming them was the water which must dripped off of them as they were thawing from their freezer bag! Seriously? Frozen vegetables and brown sauce with turkey bits (masquerading as sliced)?


At this point, Door Number 3 couldn't get any worse, and it really didn't, as it was just some bland white pasta. In fact, Door Number 3 provided us with the essential 'bed' on which to slop the vegetables and turkey gruel.

The only thing more depressing than this buffet were the miserable looks on the faces of our fellow stranded passengers, each and every one of them eating the same plate of slop, looking around at each other with the same look of shame. I mean, we could have gone to the regular restaurant and just ordered some probably-very-good food on our own budget. And I don't know why we didn't. I suspect, though, that it's that streak of adventurousness which lies within us. The unknown variable. The gamble. The thrill of not knowing "is this buffet going to be awesome or not?". Well, we put all of our money on black, and we lost. That's what we get for living on the edge...

I am absolutely sure that the placid regal facial expression painted on Charles II in the lobby had changed to a smug smirk, too, when we left the next morning. Alright, Chuck, you win this one. Touché.



Danger awards the Kempinski Hotel Gravenbruch Frankfurt, Lufthansa Stranded Travelers Buffet one stinky Gas Mask.